Breastfeeding Resources

There are days when I’m just so exhausted. Bone-weary, word-jumbling, zoning-out exhausted. And pumping on top of that feels like it’s draining the life out of me.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Interrupted sleep. Sometimes I think about how long it’s been since I had uninterrupted sleep. I amazed a kid-less male coworker yesterday with the fact that I haven’t had a whole night’s sleep for 3 ½ months. It’s worse than that, of course, because the longest I’ve slept is about 4 hours. But amazingly, your body adapts.

And work. I didn’t remember how much energy it requires to be on, aware, and focused at work. And I don’t have a physically demanding job. But on my leave I napped when I felt like, rested with a book or tv, took walks to re-energize. At work I’m supposed to be alert all the time. I remember this feeling from when I started a job after being out of work for a few months. It’s like your body forgets how to maintain that level of energy and has to relearn it.

And pumping. Who would have thought it would be as exhausting as it is sometimes. It’s not my favorite thing to do, plus it releases those relaxing hormones. The last pumping session of the day sometimes feels particularly draining, like it’s sucking the last bit of energy from me. What a positive, affirming way of looking at it, but there it is. Sigh.

All these things combined mean I’m less of a go-getter at work than I used to be. I actually suggested one of my employees not ask me questions after 3pm. Not the brightest move, probably. But I sort of got tired of repeating that 10 second delay in between the question and any sort of answer my brain could construct. Or forgetting my next sentence before I’d finished the first.

But take heart. After five weeks back at work, I’m feeling exhausted less of the time and I can actually still answer questions at 5pm. I can keep more data in my head, but I’ve also learned I don’t have to keep as much up there and still do a good job. As with all things “life with baby”, it gets easier over time.