In the weeks since my last post, I've had a lot to think about. Should I give up pumping during the day and introduce formula? Should I hang in there for six more weeks til my son's a year old and I can replace breast milk with cow's milk?
One thing I realized is that it wasn't specifically pumping that was causing my stress. It's just that pumping is the easiest thing to skim off the top. Stopping that would eliminate a bunch of trouble--fitting it into work, washing parts and bottles, and remembering to pack them in the morning. But reducing stress throughout my life did make continuing to pump less painful. A few days after that post, I took Aaron to daycare for three hours on my day off. I came back home and worked in the garden and on a sewing project. It was delightful. A huge help. I intend to schedule a 1/2 day like that every month. I can even imagine having enough time to get my hair cut *and* colored. Amazing. The other stress reducer was our vacation, which we took with family who were more than willing to grab Aaron for a few hours while I napped or chilled. That was terrific.
I've also had a few weeks to really get used to the idea that Aaron would be having formula. And I've started skipping pumping sessions at work a few times, when it just wasn't convenient. The frozen milk is just about gone now, and I think I'll be buying some formula this weekend. And that feels pretty much okay. Even if I have to make him a bottle on the weekend, because my supply is down. Because he's almost 11-months old now, and he's gotten so much benefit from breast milk already. And I need the break.
The one completely silly hang up I have is I'm not going to buy the formula on a shopping trip where I use my grocery-store coupon card. Somehow, I don't want the grocery store and formula companies (who I associate with over-the-top marketing techniques and hooking poor mothers through free giveaways) to know who I am. It's absurd. But I can live with that.
Comments
Life/Work Balance
It can be so stressful to work pumping into the workday. I can also sympathyze with your formula hang ups. I had to travel starting when my daughter was 6 months old, about a week per month. I had managed to store up enough frozen milk to tide me over through the week long trips and then brought my milk home with me to freeze for the next business trip. This freezer stash helped carry me through while I was cutting out pumping sessions as my daughter approached the one year mark. I continued to pump until my daughter was one, but I reduced the number of times I was pumping starting at about 11 months and stopped pumping at work completely a few weeks after she turned one. I continue to nurse at night and in the morning, and will until my daughter loses interest...or until I am ready to stop, whichever comes first.
You are so right that you have done so much for your baby by providing your milk for 11 months. Also, remember that supplimenting some feedings while you continue to nurse at night will continue to provide him benefits. One thing that helped me make more milk and reduce pumping at work was to pump one side while I nursed the from the other side in the morning. This is a little tricky to get used to, and you might not have time for it, but it really worked well for me and allowed me to get an extra 5-8oz each day to take to daycare.
Hang in there, you are doing great!!
The balance
I completely understand how you feel. It seems like once Sage started getting more mobile and started in with the seperation anxiety that my stress levels sored. I was no longer able to deal with working all day and then mothering all night with the same finesse as in the early days. Sage is going to be a year in a week and a half and I don't know what I am going to do about pumping when we meet that milestone. He doesn't really eat solid foods at all and he won't seem to take any cow's milk. I'm really struggling with this as I never intended to pump longer than a year, but I don't want my son to be so unhappy. It seems like a battle that I am slowly losing trying to balance my work life with my home life and my married life.
I know what you're going
I know what you're going throuigh. I had to pump constantly because depo shot decreased my milk supply at the very beginning. when I had no choice but to give formula(baby was losing weight fast) I would mix a few ounces of breast milk with the formula so that baby was getting my milk with EVERY feeding. Plus it made the breast milk last longer - esp. if your supply is dwindling.